Glue.

Glue. Epoxy, Super Glue, Elmers, Elmers wood glue, quick dry, Gorilla Glue, Krazy Glue.  Todd could not pass a convenience store, hardware store, 99 cent store without picking up a tube.  Where would he use it? Everywhere.  Especially his hands, as if he could seal up the gaping holes in his heart by sealing up his hangnails.  The holes in his personality, the holes in his history, the mistakes he’d made.  He would pour it on thick, too thick and it would crust up and flake and blister.  A lot of times it wasn’t meant for human skin but that didn’t stop him.  Todd was ahead of the curve when he began using glue to seal actual cuts, nowadays its done commonly but I think Todd invented it.

There were tubes of half spent glue in his truck up on the dashboard.  There were tubes of unopened glue in his workshop the day we said kaddish for him.  Somehow all that glue was not enough.  His soul leaked out of his chest through a silver dollar sized hole, light poured out of his fingernails, his eyes lay crusted with Elmer’s, dried white tears.

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