Once someone check’s out, they are gone. Seems pretty self-explanatory until it’s your brother, spouse, child, life partner. Parents, it has to happen sometime and in the rightful order of things, they should precede you on the way out, they got here first. This is not to sound callous to the intense loss people feel for their parents’ deaths. It’s more to focus on the upset caused by this change in the ‘natural sequence’ of things.
We just thought Todd would be around. We really thought so. He was such a force. And maybe I’ve said this before, but his departure feels like an elemental shift in the gravitational forces, the natural forces. As if the moon fell from the sky, the wind ceased to blow.
Yesterday, a simply gorgeous day here on the Coast. It would be a day he would visit. A year ago he was here with us for Bodhi’s talent show at school. I’ve been the music director and emcee the last five or more years and Todd finally came last year to see Bodhi’s band ‘The How’ who performed again this year. Todd would join us on a lovely weekend, he was a member of this small family. Bodhi loved the addition of his crazy, engaged ‘Unkie’. Todd gave everything to Bodhi when he was with him. He got him hooked on flying two-line stunt kites and Bodhi had breakthroughs with that last Spring and became really good. Todd was so proud.
Last Summer, he showed up with 20 feet of 1/2 inch surgical tubing to create a kind of crazy catapult. He set me and Bodhi up on Montara beach with it and ordered us around as he attempted to fire great big rocks into the ocean. Through trial and error and a lot of yelling and some laughs, it kind of worked but he determined that the tubing was too thick, not resilient enough. Some relationship to be explored there between thickness and resilience. If we humans are like surgical tubing catapulting life’s obstacles like rocks into the ocean, does it mean the thinner our layer, the more resilient we are? Do we feel things deeper but respond quicker? If our layer is thick, the feelings and experiences don’t sink in as far, are we less able to spring back, fling emotional projectiles long distances? Discuss.